Whether you’ve tried his food or drooled over it on Instagram, if you live in Polk County, you’ve heard the name Blue Dog Craft Barbecue. The man behind the meat, Max Miller was born in Michigan but grew up in Polk County. He worked in retail management for about ten years before setting off to make the best damn barbecue around. “Barbecue came out of left field. It came out of the blue,” Miller said. Max has watched food shows on television for as long as he can remember and followed culinary content online. He came across “barbecue god” Aaron Franklin, owner of Franklin Barbecue in Austin, Texas, and leader in Central Texas barbecue. Like kindling to a grill flame, it sparked something in Miller – he had to cook barbecue. “I remember I instantly called my dad and was like, ‘Let’s cook barbecue.’” His dad, Leroy Miller, was in. With no previous restaurant experience or culinary background, Miller watched videos online and scoured Instagram for inspiration and guidance. “It consumed every bit of my time before we even cooked,” he said. First thing was first – Miller couldn’t make barbecue without a smoker to cook it on. He commissioned his cousin Patrick Miller, owner of All Pro Mechanical and Fabrication for the task. “He and I pieced it together in his garage,” Miller said. It is an offset style smoker with a 500-gallon propane tank, a popular style on the Texas barbecue scene, said Miller. He and his dad got to work grilling, at first feeding friends and family on days off. Miller liked the idea of a barbecue pop-up as he thought it would be easier than cook-to-order, though he’s come to find there’s nothing easier about it. There’s a ton of time involved. He cooked any chance he got for the last year of his retail management job. “It came to the time where if I didn’t leave, I’d probably never take off with it,” he said. He started Blue Dog Craft Barbecue officially in January 2019 with the continued help of friends and family, including his mom and dad, girlfriend, Erin, cousin, Brooke, and friend, Vannia. “We thought the food was good then,” he smiled. “But looking back on old photos – it wasn’t ever bad – but we were honing in and perfecting what we were doing,” he said. Miller used social media as a sort of meat metric. He knew what he liked on Instagram and what he thought was good. He pioneered his own Texas-influenced Blue Dog style by recreating what he saw to fit his taste. Blue Dog’s Texas-style inspiration comes through in his presentation. Mouthwatering barbecue arranged on butcher paper alongside traditional Southern sides. You eat with your eyes first, as they say, and every plate Blue Dog presents is love at first sight, then bite. The staples are the usual smoky suspects – brisket, ribs, pulled pork, sausage, bbq tacos, and the like, accompanied by down-South classics like potato salad, coleslaw, and baked beans. From trimming the meat to seasoning it (mostly with salt and pepper), “It’s a lot of prep,” said Miller. His brisket alone cooks for 16 to 18 hours. Blue Dog Craft Barbecue smokes over oak, the most easily accessible wood in the area. Max and his team even cut, dry, and split it themselves. High-demand has Miller maxing out his grill capacity weekly – a good problem to have, he says. The Blue Dog owner is in the process of building a new grill to double capacity for his expanding brisket fan base. The inceptive and ongoing concept for Blue Dog is as a popup vendor. Cooking out of the Catapult Kitchen Incubator in Lakeland, Miller has popped up there and all over Polk County, showing up at Swan Brewing, the Lakeland Downtown Farmers Curb Market, and Winter Haven Farmers Market, which he attends regularly. “We’ve been farmer’s market-focused,” he said. In addition to markets, Blue Dog offers catering for events large and small. Miller recently purchased a food truck that is being renovated and will be running shortly. Beyond pop-ups and a food truck, the ultimate goal is to one day have a restaurant location. Though he’s not set on where it would be, Miller envisions an outdoor-oriented spot. What’s the best thing about running a budding barbecue biz? “All the people we’ve met along the ride,” Miller said. He’s built a solid customer base of folks who return weekly to get their Blue Dog fix. Many regular customers have become friends. “I just love it.” Blue Dog Craft Barbecue FB @BLUEDOGCRAFTBARBECUE IG @bluedogcraftbarbecue www.bluedogcraftbarbecue.com bluedogbarbecue@gmail.com Photography by Amy Sexson & Max Miller

Apart from the work they put into performing, drag queens have historically been champions of change for the LGBTQ+ community. Queens like Marsha P. Johnson, the transgender drag queen who was one of the first to resist police during the 1969 Stonewall riots, which are widely regarded as an impetus for the gay rights movement. Yes, drag queens can be campy and quippy and read you to filth while wearing 6-inch heels, but they are also powerful and positive role models for selfexpression and confidence – queens like Trishelle Michaels. Terrance Reeves is a Florida native, born and raised in Central Florida. He moved to the Winter Haven area in 2009, where he lives with his husband of ten years. Reeves, a bowler for 35 years, works in the bowling industry at Kegel LLC in Lake Wales, manufacturing lane machines that clean the lanes. He’s been with them for 16 years. Reeves has been a highly competitive bowler for quite some time and was even on the Professional Bowlers Association (PBA) Tour in the exempt field from 2008 to 2009. He was among the top 64 bowlers in the PBA at that time. His family built a bowling center in Brandon in the early 80s. Reeves described bowling as a serious side of himself and feels fortunate to work in the industry. “I enjoy going to work every day. Not a lot of people can say that, and I’m just really blessed and fortunate,” he said. Another meaningful part of Reeves’s life and work in its own right is his drag queen persona, Trishelle Michaels. When Reeves came out in his early twenties, he wandered into the world of drag. “I never said ‘This is what I want to do,’” said Reeves. Through friends at what was then Club Chambers, and The Male Room in Tampa, Reeves got to work alongside drag queens who were great at what they did. He found a niche, and the rest is history. Reeves began performing as Trishelle Michaels with the help of her drag mother, First Lady of Ybor, Joey Brooks. “She was a big influence. She gave me an opportunity to let me hone in on my skills, gave me tips, and made me better. Without her direction when I first started, we might not be having this conversation,” said Reeves. Reeves is thankful for the queens that paved the way and gave him opportunities throughout his drag career, noting that they “set the pathway for us to be where we are now.” Along with Joey Brooks, Reeves named Crystle Chambers and Kathryn Nevets as inspirations who have helped him with opportunities and guidance. “You can’t do it alone,” he said. “You’ve got to listen to people sometimes to make yourself better.” BEHIND THE GLAMOUR “Trishelle Michaels was born through MTV and audience decision,” said Reeves. After hearing the name Trishelle on MTV’s The Real World, he loved how unique it sounded. ‘Michaels’ was voted on by an audience at a bar when Reeves first began performing. He gave them options, the audience voted, and it stuck. “Trishelle is a role model. Trishelle is a promoter. Trishelle is someone that you could come and talk to, that you could message if there are any questions regarding gay life, regarding life in general, […] I think it’s important to make myself available to those people,” Reeves said. And there have been people who have reached out to Trishelle for advice. “Within the past ten years since I’ve been here in Polk County, I’ve really made an effort to be someone that can be looked up to without people feeling that they can’t talk to me.” As for Trishelle’s style, Reeves said, “In drag, there are different genres. Just as there are in music, you have different styles of drag. [...] I’m definitely a businesswoman when it comes to my drag. I’m not the high glitz and glam. I’m very straightforward with who I am and what I do with it.” With years spent in the world of competitive bowling, Reeves wasn’t interested in competing when it came to drag. “I try to be myself,” he said. Just as there are many genres in the community, so too are there many people and personalities. Drag queens are not a monolith, expressed Reeves. One misconception about the drag community, he said, is that they are all the same. “People might think that I’m flamboyant and all that, but they have to know, for me, that’s just a side of who I am. I’m super chill,” he said. Reeves is also very into sports. “This is where me and the other queens are completely different. They want to go to the movies, and they want to go out to the theme parks, and that is totally not me.” Lip syncing, killer costumes, and comedy are all part of what makes Trishelle Michaels dynamite on stage. “When I’m on the mic, I try to make people laugh. I think that’s one of my attributes and what draws people into me is my personality,” said Reeves. “I’ll be the first one to laugh at myself. I’ll make fun of myself because, at the end of the day of those shows, I’m a man in a dress. I am fortunate enough to be comfortable with myself.” Preparing for a show is no small feat either. It can take upwards of two or three hours to get ready. Few outside of the drag community know the actual work that goes into getting glammed and ready for a stint in the spotlight. “We’ve got to shave, and we’ve got to put the makeup on, we’ve got to put the outfits together and pack the bags. If we go into a show and we’re asked to do two, three, four songs, that’s an outfit change every time,” said Reeves. Four outfit changes means four wigs, four pairs of shoes, and jewelry for each getup – it’s a lot. “When we’re changing, we have just a couple of minutes per song to change from one to another. There’s so much work behind the scenes that people don’t see,” he said. “I think it’s important for those younger queens to know that it’s not just putting on makeup. It’s not just putting on a new wig. It’s polishing up what you do and making it better next time.” Drag goes beyond a larger-than-life personality and top-tier performance chops; it requires a nose to the grindstone work ethic. “Some people are scared to work, and that’s why you see some people fade out in this business,” Reeves said. “If they don’t have a good work ethic, they’re probably not going to make it.” “We’re presenting something we’re not, but we’re also presenting something that is fun and eclectic and entertaining,” he said. “It’s self-gratifying to get in heels and be like, ‘Okay, it’s time to go to work.’ If I didn’t enjoy it and I didn’t love it, trust me, I wouldn’t do it because there is a lot of work that goes into getting ready.” IN THE SPOTLIGHT A conversation with Reeves and a look through any of Trishelle Michaels’s social media posts reflect an air of gratitude and encouragement. She is an uplifter of others. “That’s one thing I try to project and to bring, whether it’s a smile or a thought to somebody’s day. My drag, I don’t specifically do it for me. I do it for others even though I do enjoy doing it.” Reeves says his positive attitude is a reflection of how he was raised. “My family, they weren’t so accepting of the gay side. It was just recently in the past couple of years that my mom and stepdad came to a show,” he said. “They’re very accepting of it now and understand that it’s a sort of work for me, and they see the positive side of it.” “They definitely raised me right. It was just something new for them. I think that sometimes the straight people that go to these shows – it’s something new for them,” he said. And in many of the areas around Polk County that Trishelle performs shows, the crowd mainly consists of straight people. “If I can bring them to a comfort level to join in on a show, that is probably the biggest highlight for me. [...] I want them to laugh and enjoy entertainment. And that’s really what drag is – entertainment.” Trishelle hopes the audience gets to take a break from their lives during her time on stage. Though Trishelle Michaels is an expression of Terrance Reeves, it’s also a break from the day-today minutia. “It’s a break from the regular routine of life. You can just be yourself,” he said. When she’s working, Trishelle finds that she is very focused on producing a show that people enjoy, talk about, and ultimately want to return to. “At the end of the night, when you have a successful show, there’s no other feeling than accomplishment,” Reeves said. ADVICE FOR FUTURE QUEENS Trishelle Michaels has sage advice, not just for drag queens. She strives to be inclusive of everyone. “Gay comes in all different shapes and forms – it’s not just me. […] We’re all different. We all have opportunities to be ourselves. There are a lot of drag kings that don’t get the attention that we get. I think it’s important that we all share the spotlight. [...] That is definitely one of my areas where I try to do great work, to share my spotlight and my opportunities with others in the community, especially on the entertainment side.” According to Reeves, the Polk County drag community is small but mighty, with around fifteen queens heavily involved in performing locally. “Opportunities sometimes aren’t as much because we’re in Polk County, and it is so easy and accessible to get to Orlando or Tampa, but that’s not what I want to do. […] I focus my energy locally. I have no big desire to go to those other markets.” Places like The Parrot, Balmoral, Frescos, and Gary’s Grove host regular or quarterly drag shows. Michaels hosted Polk Pride in 2019 and has been a regular performer at The Parrot in Lakeland since moving here in 2009. Another go-to spot is The American Legion in Winter Haven. Next year will be her fourth annual show there. She also helps their members get dressed up to raise money for their charity efforts. Asked if he had any advice for someone reading this who may want to try drag or is just starting, Reeves answered, “Do it. You’re not learning or creating anything if you’re not making any mistakes.” Like everything else in life, the more one does an activity, the better one becomes at it. “Just do it, give it a shot. What do you have to lose?” “Just because you do something one time doesn’t mean that it’s going to be the same next time. Maybe some of the brushstrokes aren’t the same. Maybe some of the colors aren’t the same. You’re creating something every time you put yourself together. I think that’s the fun of it.” Follow Trishelle Michaels on Facebook and Instagram to see where she’ll be performing next. She is at The Parrot two times a month and Gary’s Grove and Balmoral quarterly. To book Michaels, for more information, or with any questions, reach out to her through social media. FB: Trishelle Michaels IG @trishellemichaels Photography by Danielle Cecil

Hip hop music and culture are powerful. Lakeland Lofi beatmaker and producer, Derick Epps aka Deek Beats, believes so strongly in its power to heal, inspire, and educate that he is doing whatever it takes to make it accessible to the next generation. Epps is working with the Lake Wales Arts Council to bring the Today’s Future Sound music education program to Polk County. Growing up an only child to a single parent, Deek could listen to whatever he wanted. “We’re talking circa early 90s, so I’m getting exposed to the early hip hop raw and uncut at an early age. It was kind of like mine,” he said. “It was one of those things that I could record whatever I wanted off the radio or take my bike to the Tower Records that was right down the street or Waxie Maxie’s and save up my money and buy the tapes that I shouldn’t have.” Deek didn’t just listen to music – he made his own. He played the flute, cornet, trumpet, drums, xylophone, guitar, and bass before graduating to turntables. “I played everything as a kid, and that turned me to DJing because I couldn’t settle on what I wanted to play.” Born and raised in Virginia just outside of Washington D.C., Deek moved to Jacksonville in 2012 for a career change while DJing on the side. “As long as I had my turntables, I could find a job,” he said. He DJed the Jacksonville club circuit while going to school to be an educator. Music and education would continue to be a theme throughout Deek’s life. “Music even then… had always been my go-to,” he said. While DJing in Jacksonville, he was approached to perform at a bar. He was asked to DJ and if he could make it “not as ghetto.” Deek felt he was asked to DJ there because of his lighter skin tone, which may be more “palatable” to bargoers. Troubled by this and similar experiences while DJing, Deek was decidedly done playing everyone else’s music. His wife, Cathrin, encouraged him to quit his job and start making his own beats. Deek found a job that afforded him the time to learn music on his own. Working the 2 am to 10 am shift at a 24-hour pool hall, he used his ‘backpack studio,’ the mini keyboard and drum machine Cathrin had gotten him, to start making music. “I was going through the exercises of learning how to process drums, learning how to write a track, learning the software, going through all the motions for two and a half years before I released my own stuff,” he said. “That turned into teaching myself music theory, teaching myself how to play the keyboard, teaching myself scales, teaching myself drum patterns and rhythm.” The couple moved to Polk County in 2018. Deek started performing at open mic nights in Lakeland and was even approached to host them. He started a concept called ‘BAG Night’ or Beats and Game Night. “Along the way, being a performer in Lakeland, I started to feel the effects of being the new kid in town. […] Hip Hop is not openly accepted or promoted or showcased or played anywhere outside of my open mic nights. That started to bother me,” he said. #PARKCHILL He began to think of how a genuinely diverse and inclusive space would look. He wanted a free event that catered to all ages where people of every socioeconomic status, gender, ethnicity, and orientation would feel welcome. Deek thought, “If I’m an artist who is underrepresented and underappreciated, where are the crafters and the makers? [...] Let’s give them a platform. Let’s find other creators. Let’s try and bring the community together.” Deek organized a series of recurring community events called #ParkChill. “#ParkChill grew into what BAG Night should have been, which was my way of bringing the community together under hip hop music with different people of different ages,” he said. “I felt there was a need as being the new kid on the block and not being openly accepted. [...] Seven times trying it, and we nailed it,” he said. #ParkChill has become a popular event that not only serves to support its vendors but to be a megaphone for Deek’s mission to bring Today’s Future Sound to Polk County. TODAY’S FUTURE SOUND “Today’s Future Sound is a therapeutic beat program. It brings everybody together,” Deek said of the Oakland, California-based non-profit. “If we were to bring this program here, in ten or twenty years, the next Deek Beats won’t have to go through what I went through locally as far as the whitewashing of shows because I performed plenty of places where they didn’t include any of my pictures,” he said. Founded in 2010 by producer and beatmaker Ben Durazzo, Today’s Future Sound (TFS) is a 501c3 organization centered around the transformative power of music. According to their website, “Our beatmaking and music production program have educational, therapeutic, and social components that build confidence, inspire creativity, and help individuals create positive change.” These educational, therapeutic, creative, and social objectives are accomplished through interactive beatmaking and music production instruction in elementary, middle, and high schools, juvenile centers, mental health facilities, and veteran’s groups. Their website goes on to say, “The artistry and culture of hip hop have significant real-world applications, yet its power to engage, unify, heal, and give voice has often been overlooked, particularly in education.” The TFS program “directly addresses a lack of culturally responsive educational, therapeutic, and social interventions for people of all ages by bringing our mobile music production studio to their door.” The program is in over 100 schools in states across the U.S. and South America, and Australia and serves 5,000 youth annually. Students in the program learn everything from the physics of records, how to operate turntables and DJ controllers, to the underlying math and science of beatmaking. Today’s Future Sound works with over 80% minority and lowerincome youth, with 60-75% of their students saying that working with TSF has, “In addition to teaching new skills, significantly improved learning in school and overall quality of life.” The Lakeland music producer aims to use the program to put the art and creative catalyst that is hip hop music and culture into the hands of local youth. “Let’s get to the end game, which is getting another musical program into our schools so we’re better equipped – at least our kids are – to deal with issues that they might not know that they will be facing that hip hop has already prepared me for,” Deek said. “In a world where black and brown creators are asking everybody to start caring about issues and things that pertain to us, if I can invite you to the culture and you understand it, I’m not asking as hard. I’m not asking as loud. Those are easier conversations that can be had.” It is a hands-on, student-driven curriculum, giving students the permission and freedom to make music and explore their creativity. “Not everybody wants to play guitar or piano, but the fact that a kid can walk around and make a beat on something the size of this,” he said, pulling out a pocketsized sampler. “That’s the power of hip hop.” Having stepped away from DJing to produce his music, Deek knows the power of beatmaking regarding mental health. “Where I’m able to be frustrated and sit down for 20 minutes whereas a writer would write, and a painter would paint, I can make a beat and get it all out and share that art with the world.” Bringing Today’s Future Sound to Polk County would be instrumental for the personal enrichment of its students and the community as a whole. Deek wants to invite the community to a culture that is often enjoyed but not understood. LAKE WALES TAKES LEAD Deek Beats first tried to start the program in Lakeland but gained no traction. “Almost all the commissioners knew who I was. I had been trying to get this working in Lakeland,” he said. He remembers thinking, “Will anyone listen to me right now?” He did his best to get information about the program into the right hands, attending networking events and the like. “It seemed like it was in one ear, out the other.” Serendipity intervened and Deek was connected with Lake Wales Arts Council executive director, Andrew Allen, through Amy Sexson, editor and partner of Haven Magazine. Allen happens to have a history with hip hop music in education. “That’s all I wanted somebody to do was listen,” said Deek. “This is just an idea. Can it work? Can we run with it? [...] I fell more in love with the idea when [Andrew Allen] was like, ‘Not only will it work, we’re going to make it work, and we’re going to do it one better.’” In college, Allen worked on a thesis about implementing modern music education into failed traditional fine arts music curriculum in K-12 schools. “Classical music and jazz music is not one size fits all. Music of pop culture is what’s really motivating youth to learn about music just the way that jazz did in the 20s and the 30s and 40s,” he said. “A really good art form, in my opinion, is one that is easy to understand and difficult to master, and that’s what hip hop is. When you listen to hip hop, it evokes a feeling – you might love it, you might hate it – but at least it’s evoking emotion, and that’s what’s important about it.” During their first conversation about bringing Today’s Future Sound to Polk, the two talked for over an hour about jazz piano and hip hop. Allen was confident in the program’s potential to work here. “A good leader empowers the impassioned and stays out of the way,” said Allen. And that’s what he intends to do with Deek and Today’s Future Sound. HIP HOP EDUCATION IN POLK Deek Beats and the Lake Wales Arts Council hope to reach students from an often overlooked, impoverished segment of the community. “Not every child wants to learn in the orchestra, not every child wants to learn about jazz, not every family of four or five or six can afford to come out to a $30 concert. We know that the need is there,” said Allen. One of their main goals is to make the program accessible to everyone regardless of socioeconomic status. The Lake Wales Arts Council maintains relationships with area public, private, and charter schools. The Today’s Future Sound program will be hosted by the Lake Wales Arts Council and deployed into those area schools that opt into it. It would start as an after-school program, with TFS-trained instructors in which students would work with analog drum machines and digital programs like Ableton Live and Maschine. They would learn lessons like the math behind production, simple scales, and sampling off vinyl records. Vinyl records will be their version of books, said Deek. He notes that this will complement what kids are already learning in their core classes at school. “It’s quite symbiotic. The research out there proves that music of any kind, if taught well, will help these kids succeed in the classroom,” said Allen. The program at the Arts Council would be a larger model of what goes into the schools and available to adults as well. The Arts Council currently partners with AdventHealth, the Lake Wales Care Center, Circle of Friends, and the Family Literacy Academy of Lake Wales. They want hip hop education to be an option for the adults served by those programs and anyone else interested in learning more about hip hop culture and music. Allen and Deek have discussed having an open studio time at the Arts Center to serve as a creative incubator. The program would take form there year-round. Beyond the framework that TFS provides, Deek has a vision for courses in creative writing, dance, history, and the like – all centered around hip hop culture. “My mind started going as far as cultural film, hip hop talking classes, presentations, lyrical breakdowns of songs so we can break it down as poetry. We can talk about why this song meant so much in this era so we can hit it from all different angles because it’s so powerful.” Deek discussed showing prominent hip hop movies and explaining the historical significance behind them. He is working with his podcast co-host and Florida Southern associate professor of philosophy, H.A. Nethery, on curriculum ideas. “This is the vehicle to reach kids of a new generation. That is what’s important because we can help them get through whatever stresses that they’re going through and identify with the music they hear on the radio and that they hear in commercials and movies all the time. I think that’s what’s powerful,” said Allen. The executive director believes this could lead to an appreciation of other fine arts like jazz and classical music as the students work with them within the context of hip hop. “They’re going to be exposed to all genres of music through this program, and I think that we’re going to help foster a whole other generation of classical and jazz enthusiasts.” “It’s going to be fun to see the creativity that sparks from the kids and the adults,” said Deek. “It’s got to be hands-on, it’s got to be loud, it’s got to be visual because that’s the way hip hop is. So, that’s the only way it’s going to work. Whatever you think a hip hop classroom looks like when you close your eyes – that’s exactly what it’s going to look like.” MAKING IT HAPPEN To fully realize the program, from training and equipment to educator fees, building overhead, and additional classroom materials to bring into the schools and community outreach programs, Deek and Allen would like to raise $75,000. “The technology is so important. The kids need to get their hands on beat machines, and we need to get computers and all the things that are necessary to create hip hop music we’d like to have at the Arts Center,” said Allen. According to Allen, the program could take flight with around $20K-$30K in initial funding, but $75K would secure its ongoing advancement. “This is not a one and done. This is not a publicity stunt. It’s not something that we want to do because it’s trendy at the moment. This is something that we want to do for a long time,” he said. Eventually, the program could expand to cities around the county and beyond. “Having the Arts Council be the home base for this program is what we envision, and then we want to have satellite programs around the county that are offering these experiences to kids that are at risk as well as some of the adults,” said Allen. In addition to Deek Beats’ #ParkChill events, he says BAG nights are coming back along with Beats and Brunch to raise money to bring TFS to Polk. He received the first sizable donation at the April 3 #ParkChill of $2,500 from The Poor Porker. The primary fundraiser for the program will take place at the Lake Wales Arts Center on June 19. A People of Color Emerging Artists exhibit will open that day along with a live mural painting by those artists on a tapestry that will eventually be moved inside the gallery. The executive director described the Juneteenth event as a major block party at the Arts Center highlighting Black artists and Blackowned businesses in the area. Asked if they plan to continue the event in the future, Allen said, “I would love to do this on a regular basis. I don’t want to pigeonhole people of color into one month or one event. I don’t want to run the Arts Council where we’re only featuring people of color in February and June 19. […] I want to make sure that we celebrate this culture year-round.” Not only will the TFS program cater to an often overlooked and underserved portion of the local population, but it will also have positive economic impacts. “It will create jobs, it will create volunteer opportunities, it will create community outreach opportunities for those volunteers. We’re going to buy local. We’re going to do as much as we possibly can locally. Economically, it makes sense,” Allen said. “Community-wide, we’re going to reach kids that we don’t currently reach, which is a big plus for us. We want to provide these kinds of opportunities that keep children out of trouble, and we want to bring these opportunities to them.” To stay up to date on Deek Beats and the Lake Wales Arts Council’s efforts to bring Today’s Future Sound to Polk County, sign up for the LWAC newsletter on their website listed below. To bring positive change to the community, you can donate on the website by selecting the ‘Donate’ tab and specifying ‘Today’s Future Sound’ or ‘TFS’ in the donation description. “It makes sense for the program to be at Lake Wales [Arts Council] for the 50th anniversary to not only celebrate the work that they have done but also to showcase to the county and the state that this is how serious we are about change. […] It will be groundbreaking,” said Deek. Deek Beats: IG @lkldlofi, @deekbeats, @chilltapes FB @Deek Beats todaysfuturesound.org Lakewalesartscouncil.org IG @lakewalesartscouncil FB @Lake Wales Arts Council Photography by Amy Sexson

Lakeland’s newest recreational respite, Bonnet Springs Park, is slated to open in 2022. Only a 10-minute walk from Munn Park, Bonnet Springs promises to be a mix of urban and natural, focusing on recreation, education, and reclamation. The park sits on 168 acres of the former Lakeland Railyard – one of the most significant in the state. The park will pay homage to the land’s railyard and citrus history while rehabilitating its ecology. “Local real estate developer David Bunch had an idea that great cities have great parks. Lakeland is a great city, and it deserves something great,” explained Bonnet Springs Park CEO Josh Henderson. The land was acquired through the collaboration of Bunch, retired Lakeland Parks and Recreation Director Bill Tinsley, and Carol and Barney Barnett. Master planning and design for the park began in 2016. The railyard opened on 83 acres in 1884. In the 1930s, “Lakeland Railyard employed 600 people and was the largest rail yard and repair facility in Florida and operated until the early 1980s. The heavy industrial use altered the land and continues to negatively impact the potential development for West Lakeland,” according to Bonnet Spring Park. Lakeland’s railyards were pivotal for the city’s growth, providing direct routes for Florida’s phosphate and agricultural industries. The land fell into disrepair for nearly 40 years, ecologically marred by its time as an industrial hub. In 2001 the property was designated a brownfield site, which is “a property, the expansion, redevelopment, or reuse of which may be complicated by the presence or potential presence of a hazardous substance, pollutant, or contaminant,” according to the EPA. “That’s a project larger than many people would want to take on,” said Henderson. “Between Carol and Barney, David, and Bill, they all believed in this property and saw its potential and committed themselves to getting it cleaned up.” Bonnet Springs Park partnered with world-renowned architectural and park planning group Sasaki, to recover and develop the land. Contamination remediation site work began in early 2019. “Each era from the railroad’s history had contributed a unique environmental footprint,” according to their website. Development on the park is well underway as it takes shape to be Lakeland’s version of New York City’s Central Park. “This is not a Lakeland park. This is a regional park,” said Bill Tinsley. Its features include various walking and biking trails, opportunities for water recreation, including paddleboat and kayak rentals, indoor and outdoor event space, a cafe, playgrounds, botanical gardens, greenhouse, boardwalks, a 500-square foot treehouse, a nature center, and much more to be explored. “Every day is a milestone,” said Tinsley of the park’s progress. One of the central features of Bonnet Springs Park is the 2.5-mile-long, 20 feet-wide walking and biking circulator. It connects each of the six distinct areas, including the Welcome Center, Exploration V Children’s Museum, Amphitheater, and Event Great Lawn, Event Center, Nature Playground, and Nature Center. The circulator encompasses a roughly six-acre linear garden paying tribute to the former railyard that was the “economic engine for Central Florida,” according to Tinsley. Agamerica Heritage Gardens will be a love letter to the land’s citrus and railyard roots with a linear ‘railcar’ design populated with citrus fruit trees, pollinator gardens, and flowering trees. Also honoring the area’s industrial history will be the Watson Clinic Gallery in the Welcome Center. “It’s going to tell the history of Lakeland, and it’s going to tell the history of the land. There will be an homage to Publix in there since they’re such a huge part of Lakeland and one of the reasons we’re able to build this amazing park,” said Henderson. Gallery content will be rotating to provide a revolving door of local history for guests to enjoy each time they visit. Besides educating park-goers on the history of the land, Bonnet Springs Park will be home to Explorations V Children’s Museum and boasts a nature center with a classroom for 50 people and an outdoor classroom. “As you try to bridge the gap in the community and create a space where everybody’s welcome, and you’re doing it for kids and families – education is a huge part of that,” said Henderson. “Education is a critical theme for us. We want to support education in the green industry here in particular,” said Tinsley. At the greenhouse, children will be able to work with master gardeners to plant and propagate seeds. When the plants are old enough, they will be planted in the edible gardens to mature. A chef will come to the outdoor kitchen and teach kids how to harvest and cook the food. Kids will be able to learn on the Nature Playground as well. The playground will be comprised of natural elements like wood, rock, water, and sand. The approximately two-acre all-natural playground includes different areas for age-appropriate play for children of all abilities. “We focused on nature play and integrated that into the landscape and having a seamless transition between our floral gardens and our playgrounds and the different elements of the park,” said Henderson. “We think kids learn through play better than any other way,” said Tinsley. “We’ve got an opportunity to teach kids so much about their environment.” The six-and-a-half-acre Blanton Family Lagoon was dug to enhance the environment for recreation, according to Tinsley. A 2000-foot boardwalk will follow the lagoon into the wetlands, circling back. The Crenshaw Canopy Boardwalk will serve as an elevated canopy whisking park-goers to an avian level through the trees. Near the lagoon will be the Givewell Community Foundation Nature Center with classroom seating for 50 people and an exhibit hall with a terrarium and aquarium reflecting the local environment. “We’ll have a very active field trip program not only at the children’s museum but also through Bonnet Springs Park,” said Heide Waldron, Director of Development for the park. According to the former director of Parks and Rec, much of the park’s design came from public meetings. One of the biggest community requests was an event space for a larger number of people. The park will offer many gathering spaces, but the main area for events will be the 13,000 square foot Event Center. The Event Center has room for up to 400 people and can be subdivided for smaller events. It includes the George W. Jenkins Outdoor Kitchen and Maya and Wesley Beck Patio, and a wedding terrace overlooking botanical gardens. The name Bonnet Springs Park comes from a challenge of the property, according to Tinsley. “From offsite, we drained 300 acres to this area, and it created a gorge that got low enough that now we have this beautiful cold, clear water running yearround. [...] We’ve diverted that water, and we’re treating it in these gardens.” “From a sustainability standpoint, the park intends to draw 100 percent of their irrigation from the lagoon that we dug that’s now receiving that water after it’s cleaned up,” said Tinsley. According to the park, “Less than half of Bonnet Springs Park will require irrigation to sustain the thousands of new plants and landscape zones. This is approximately 3,112,000 square feet of landscape with individual planting zones that will require varying amounts of water targeted to establish and maintain everything from the Great Lawn to the Harrell Family Botanical Gardens.” “The wildlife is coming back abundantly here,” said Tinsley. “As we’re cleaning the water, it’s making a whole new environment. […] We’re changing the ecosystem back and recovering it,” he said. “Not only has this site been abandoned for that long, but it was used for industrial purposes in the 30s and 40s, which left its mark on the land.” According to Henderson, in addition to using water from the spring to irrigate the park, they are also capturing runoff water from Kathleen Road and collecting all the trash in an underground sump, stopping it before it’s able to make its way into the lagoon and onto Lake Bonnet. “It becomes a very sustainable operation. So not only are we growing new flora and fauna, we’re using what would have been waste trash water to grow that and cleaning the environment at the same time. Everything that we’re doing we want to be environmentally sustainable. We want to care for the property and be good stewards of the land,” said Henderson. “I’ve been fortunate enough to open another one of these urban parks, and I’ve seen the impact that it can have on a city,” said Henderson. “The pride that people take, the economic opportunities, and the opportunity to create a space where everyone can come together is a great thing.” Anyone interested in becoming involved with Bonnet Springs Park can become a Friend of BSP or participate in the brick or bench programs. Bonnetspringspark.com FB @BonnetSpringsPark IG @bonnetspringspark 1025 George Jenkins Blvd Lakeland, FL 33815

Royalty since birth, ‘Queen’ Michaelah Williams graces others with her positive presence and tasty lemonade. According to her mother, Shawntrese Starks, as soon as she was verbal, she would tell people, “I am not a princess. I’m a queen.” Twelve-year-old Queen is living up to her monarchical moniker by setting an example for others with big dreams like her. Her favorite subjects in school are Art and Language Arts, and when she isn’t hitting the books, you might find her riding horses, practicing archery, or managing her own business, Queen’s Lemonade Palace. Queen started her lemonade business when she was nine. “I needed money so that way I could go to California,” she said. She wanted to travel there to pursue acting and needed $5,000 to do it. Her mom helped her come up with the concept to raise money. Where some parents have rigid expectations for their children, Shawntrese said, “For me, it’s what does my child want to do? And whatever she wants to do, I’m going to do whatever it takes to introduce her to that. If she likes it and that’s what she wants to do, then I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure that continues. […] It’s a joy being able to see her doing something that she wants to do and being happy doing it.” Queen’s Lemonade Palace held its first pop-up lemonade stand at a football game. “It did really good, and then I stopped for a little while,” said Queen. “I decided that I wanted to go back to it again, and people really liked the lemonade, so I kinda sorta had to.” The business grew organically as Queen sold her original, strawberry, and tropical lemonade along with mango and pineapple tea across Central Florida. Shawntrese says she is often recognized when she’s out and about as ‘the lemonade girl’s mom.’ Shawntrese took Queen to the Essence Festival in New Orleans several years ago, and someone walking past recognized the young entrepreneur as the little girl selling lemonade in Tampa. After her ABC Action News interview aired in cities across the country, Queen heard from admirers from New York to Texas and everywhere in between. Shawntrese uses these moments to teach Queen always to provide the best service and do what’s right because you never know who is watching or who you might meet. Queen missed the deadline for her California dreams, but not one to let anything take the wind from her sails, said, “I tried. That’s all that matters.” She would still like to pursue acting and singing. An old soul with a love for music, some of her favorite artists include Bob Marley, Doug E. Fresh, Slick Rick, and Michael Jackson. Her small lemonade operation didn’t stay small for long. Queen now receives regular orders from a growing customer base which her mom is happy to deliver. Queen has developed a brand with labeled bottles and pouches displaying her smiling face. “It took some time, but I got help from family,” she said of building her business. “Everybody helped me along the way. They gave me courage and told me not to give up.” Shawntrese and Queen are currently working through the logistics of shipping, with goals to be on store shelves one day. “Once I get to a point where I’m in stores, I’ll keep going, but I will also try to pursue my other dreams,” said Queen. This lemonade leading lady is using her platform as a young, successful female entrepreneur of color to inspire others. One social media post with photos of her riding horses, doing archery, and selling lemonade read, “I AM Black History in the making.” Queen said, “I hope that I inspire people and let people know that no matter what the condition is or what’s different about you, you can still make history no matter what, and nobody can tell you different from what you already know and what you believe.” A propellant for her hard-earned success is a contagiously positive perspective. “I get my positivity from people who inspire me like Rosa Parks and Harriet Tubman and other business owners from back then and now,” she said. “People and rappers and stuff, they come from a hard time. Because of their positivity, they rose, and they were able to accomplish their dreams.” What does the mogul in the making envision for her future? “My dreams are to become a veterinarian, to own lots of animals, especially exotic ones. I want to own a farm, and I want to own my own veterinarian business so I can be my own boss, and I don’t have to work for anybody else because if I do, then – chaos. […] It will also teach me the responsibility of ordering stuff on time and making sure everything’s in place.” Queen’s love of everything equestrian started when she was a toddler. When a horse got loose in a field near her house, Queen told her mom they had to help the animal. “She was very adamant – she started crying,” said Shawntrese. “The horse walked right up to her.” They called animal control and stayed with the horse until someone could come to help. “After that, I just became infatuated with horses and other types of animals… except for rats,” she said. When Queen was five, her grandmother took her to the Fort Pierce ranch of a horse veterinarian named Mrs. Stacey, where she started training with horses. “She’s always wanted to work with animals,” said Shawntrese. “Kids change their professions all the time, so I thought by now she would change it. Nope, she wants to be a vet, and she wants to specialize in farm animals. She wants to be like Mrs. Stacey and have this big farm and have her veterinarian’s office right on the farm. She wants to house sick animals and take care of them.” Asked if she had expected her lemonade stand to grow into the force it is today, she said, “Actually, I didn’t. It’s small, so I thought that this is going to help me and I’m going to make a little bit of money, so it’s going to be like a small business like all lemonade stands that sit on the corner. After it progressed, and more people noticed me, I thought maybe there is some hope in this, and maybe I can make enough money to save for college and help with the community and help my mom pay the bills, so I can also do what I have to do to help the world.” Doing her part to help her community, Queen has donated money earned through her lemonade pop-ups to the animal shelter, homeless shelter, Lakeland PAL, and The Gentlemen’s Course, Inc., a nonprofit organization educating in Etiquette, Human Rights, and Human Trafficking Prevention Awareness. She was nominated for the Gentlemen’s Course Freedom Award last year and was honored with the Human Rights Hero Award. She discussed why The Gentlemen’s Course is especially important to her. “Because I can learn how to stay aware of my surroundings […] and to learn that I have rights too. […] It’s also to help other people learn to stay safe,” she said. Queen says that her favorite part of selling her lemonade is “Making people happy.” And she has advice for other youth with entrepreneurial dreams, “Never give up. Keep trying. If it doesn’t work out, then try a new idea but keep that same idea but put a little twist to it. Keep trying, do your best, and if it doesn’t work, it’s okay. Just don’t give up.” Awed by her daughter’s accomplishments like many who meet Queen, Shawntrese said, “The majority of the time I’m overwhelmed. Simply because I raise a normal twelve-year-old, a normal kid in a normal setting, and she is just so extraordinary. Everything around her is normal, it’s ordinary, and she brings out the best in everything and everybody she comes in contact with. That’s a blessing.” To patron Queen’s Lemonade Palace, reach out on the social media linked below or give them a call. The recipe is top secret and pure magic – we recommend the strawberry lemonade! Queen’s Lemonade Palace FB @QLP2018 IG @queens_lemonade_palace_ 863-866-0510

A little love, a dash of southern hospitality, and good old-fashioned fried chicken are at the center of Lakeland’s newest chicken shack, LoveBird Almost Famous Chicken. The couple responsible for turning up the heat on the pickme-up dining scene is Leah and Jeremy Brumley. You can get in on the Almost Famous action now, too! A lifelong Lakelander, Jeremy Brumley opened his first business, Woodpecker Records, right out of high school in 1993. His mother ran the record store for a year while he attended college and played soccer in Alabama before returning and attending Florida Southern University. Ten years into owning Woodpecker Records, Brumley sold the business and started Rockstar Moms, a maternity clothing company with his wife, Leah. Interested in going to dental school, Brumley moved to Gainesville for a time. There, he would frequent Hogan’s 83, a local sandwich shop. “It was just a hoagie shop with beer, and it was packed all the time,” he said. He liked the hoagie concept and talked with the owner about bringing it to Lakeland. Instead, Brumley connected with the owner of some 63 Outback Steakhouses, who offered him a job. Coming from small business ownership and with a baby on the way, the idea of a steady paycheck was attractive to Brumley. “I fell in love with it and worked my way through it from $2.13 an hour all the way to executive,” he said. Brumley worked to learn every position he could, from server and bartender to line cook, host, and eventually executive. “Even to this day, I’m most proud about that,” he said of working his way up through the industry. He also worked at Bonefish, which is owned by the same company as Outback. When the founder of the down under steakhouse broke off and started the fast-casual chicken chain, PDQ, Brumley hopped on board. He opened the Lakeland location and worked as regional vice president, VP of operations, and eventually COO. From offering lawn services as a kid to starting a record store and a clothing company, Brumley said, “We’ve always had an entrepreneurial spirit in my family.” Despite his corporate gig, Brumley kept focused on his long-term goal to start something of his own again. THE CONCEPT Even before the pandemic, Brumley recognized the rapidly changing restaurant industry over his 20 years working within it. With the onslaught of online ordering, delivery, smaller square footage, food trucks, and the like, he saw an opportunity in the ever-evolving industry. Though the optics and delivery methods may change, “I do believe the future of the restaurant [industry] is still fresh food and great service,” he said. So, he and Leah set out to meet the changing restaurant industry’s needs last September when they secured their building, the former South Florida Starbucks, for their southern fried chicken concept – LoveBird. Designed to offer hospitable service and tasty tenders to-go, this neighborhood pick-me-up chicken joint anticipates roughly 80 percent of sales to be off-premise through their drive-thru, catering, pick-up, and food delivery services. The LoveBird site, snuggled against South Florida Avenue, doesn’t offer much parking, an intentional layout decision for Brumley. There will always be restaurants where people can come to sit down and share a casual meal with friends and family. Brumley suspects that won’t be the norm, though. “The convenience of ordering food whenever you want it – I don’t know if that will ever go away.” THE FOOD “My first introduction to Nashville hot [chicken] was going to Nashville, seeing shows and music, going to breweries,” said Brumley. He tried hot chicken at a brewery food truck and was hooked. Anytime he makes his way to the Music City, he always craves Nashville hot chicken. There is a hot chicken sandwich on the menu, but LoveBird isn’t exclusively a hot chicken restaurant. “The core of our business is Southern fried chicken,” said Brumley. “It’s great Southern fried chicken and great Southern scratch sides. Think about if a barbecue place and a fried chicken shack had a baby – that’s kind of what we are.” Former Bonefish colleague turned chef, Chef Rocco Taliani, helped to develop the LoveBird menu. “He had a love for food and had a path that took him from that to being a private chef,” Brumley said. “When I was doing the concept, I thought it would be fun to get him involved.” The star of the show – delicious fried chicken – is fresh, never frozen, has no added hormones, and is served in quarters. Each chicken gets a little TLC every step along the way to keep it tender and tasty, starting with an up to 24-hour brine. “It’s a process where every level of the chicken is seasoned from its raw state with the brine, our flour, and it gets a dry rub when it comes out. It’s a premium chicken,” said Brumley. The LoveBird team keeps things traditional with the Nashville hot chicken sandwich offering escalating heat levels depending on how spicy you feel. The chicken goes through a spicy chili-infused oil followed by a dry rub. A nod to Nashville, the hot chicken, is served with white Wonder bread, sweet pickles, two scratch sides, and a sauce if you opt for a plate. For all the flavor and none of the heat, Brumley recommends their Southern-fried Almost Famous Chicken. Scratch side offerings include slaw, bourbon baked beans, cheesy potatoes, jalapeño bacon corn, tomato cucumber salad, and fries. Guests can opt for dirty fries seasoned and topped with cheese sauce, bacon, green onion, and buttermilk ranch. Round out your meal with southern desserts like fire-roasted apple cobbler and banana pudding. THE FUTURE Could we see more LoveBird locations in time? Brumley said, “We have to get one right. […] I think that we have a good shot as long as we continue with our strategic plan and that’s the highest quality food, the best service we can provide, at a price that people can actually afford to eat more than once a month. […] If we can keep those three things in line and establish a brand culture that people want to do business with and feel proud to be a part of, then I think the sky’s the limit.” LoveBird Almost Famous Chicken 2101 S Florida Ave, Lakeland www.lovebirdeats.com FB @lovebirdeats IG @lovebird.eats Photography: grainandglass.com

This morning my beautiful little blue-eyed angel (aka JackJack Doppelgänger) elected to start his engine at 5 am. He was wide awake and spinning around in his crib like a whirlybird. On that note, Nando said, “I’ll go make coffee.” I said, “Well… I’ll start the list, and then let’s have our 5-minute morning meeting.” I began adding to yesterday’s list of tasks to complete. It included items like; write my May Haven article, update my fashion styling website, fly to the moon and back, turn myself from the pumpkin that I felt like into Cinderella, go to the screen printer in Lakeland, clean the entire house, rollerblade around Lake Howard, (while pushing Nandito in the stroller) and pack for the beach. I thought – this seems reasonable. We’re getting an early start. I’m going to actually get everything done today. Nando strolled back in with my coffee and proceeded to say, “I have to run over to fix something at one of the rentals. I am leaving now. You and the little jumping bean have a nice day. Get as much done as you can. Finish packing so we can hit the road!” We planned to vacation at Fort DeSoto this weekend with our Airstream. Dada left. I found Nandito and myself staring back and forth at each other. I was so excited to get the day going. Then, suddenly, all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I had such high expectations with my “Tah-Do” list that I had already made myself tired before even one item was “TahDone.” The good news was, I had made a list, so I would not forget where to start once I rested. I never thought it would happen to me, but I have “caught” a mild case of the so-called “Mom Brain.” I literally forget what I am doing or meaning to do in the middle of doing it. My grandma, who successfully raised six children, and Nando’s mom who raised three, had no time for things like, “Mom Brain.” But in today’s society, labels are embraced and #mombrain is used and excused often. I’m gazing back at baby, thinking if only you were old enough to go and get me a second cup of coffee or make pancakes or a green smoothie. Then I could just stay in bed working on my laptop and fall back to sleep, grabbing those additional 30 more minutes of beauty rest. Sounds dreamy. Right? It is dreamy – it is what they call Mother’s Day; The one day out of the year where mom stays in bed and the children bring her breakfast and say, “Mom… today is your day, don’t lift a finger. Let us do everything for you.” The kid brings a handmade card, freshly picked flowers, and all the chores are done. Darn it… Nandito Bonito can’t even talk or walk yet. So, back to reality. It is now 6:30 am, our morning prayers are complete and Hop on Pop was read twice. He’s playing. I’ve checked the email. So instead of napping, I will treat myself to 5 minutes of seeing what the rest of Polk County is up to on Instagram. I see posts of a couple other moms that have already been to the gym, had their lashes filled, put on full glam and are heading to Target and Starbucks to shoot their OOTD (outfit of the day). I have no idea where their children are or how they got the sun to come up earlier in Lakeland than Winter Haven? Whatever is in that coffee… I need one. It instantly depresses me, makes me feel like a failure as I am barely out of bed. How do they change diapers with nails like that or how do their blond hand tied hair extensions never get pulled out? My child pulls my hair any time it is not in a ponytail! That’s when I get my head out of my phone… revert to my list of goals and decide to cross something off of it because that will give me confidence. Now…. If I can only find the pen or even a crayon to write with. I throw in a load of laundry and then grab the computer to order some wholesale t-shirts and follow up with a resume request about a film job. This summer I had planned to come out of maternity leave. Do we ever actually come out of maternity leave? I think we might leave the house to work, go places and do things. However, once you’ve been blessed with a child in any way… maternity is here forever. The only thing that leaves is your former lifestyle of “being without child” – which is forgettable. The grass is greener over here (maybe just not mowed). I’ve realized this now that I have crossed over to motherhood. They also say two kids are easier than one. Yes, I am a stepmom of 15 years to five beautiful (now adult) children that actually did make me heart shaped pancakes for breakfast in bed and cards on Mother’s Day. Now with little Nando this is a whole other layer to my mothering. On this note… I have to stop typing right now… I’ve just realized what he is telling me through his alligator tears and lack of sign language… It is time for his breakfast. Food, clothing, shelter, guidance and nurturing are not specifically on today’s list, but they are the most important items of the day. Everything else will fall into place. I am so blessed to be able to be a mom and have a human that loves me unconditionally and depends on me. This beats going to the moon and back and trumps a perfectly clean house. This is what life is all about. It is what moms are made for, not just posting on stories. Today, at the end of the day, I folded a load of laundry, did some Winter Haven Apparel design work, took Nandito in the stroller to watch his dad ride the horses, did Billy Blanks 8 Minute Tae Bo, unexpectedly baby sat my nieces and the four of us took a swim. I crossed two things off of the list, still trying to finish this article and we pushed camping to Monday. It was the perfect day to be a mom. Xo Sally DC P.S. Special thanks to all the moms out there, including my own, that support each other and have paved the way. Keep On Going! P.P.S. Thank you to my husband for delivering me morning coffee in bed 365 days a year… P.P.P.S. Thanks Amy for taking my story even though it was submitted a day late… Follow us on Insta: winterhavenapparel or sallyandnando (I spend approximately 5 minutes a day or less on it.)

Streaking – we’ve all done it, right? In small towns like ours across the country, it’s a right of passage. How does one streak? Remove all items of clothing and take off running with a group of your best buddies. The objective? Feel the wind on your fanny and try not to get caught. Why do it – boredom? Love of the streak? Well friends, it’s time to stretch out those hamstrings and leave the sweatpants at home because there’s a new nudie club in town. Streaking has shaped world history. For centuries, our ancestors have done it – both building and breaking empires with the flip or flop of an appendage. It has influenced great artists and philosophers alike. As Descartes said, “I think therefore I am pantsless.” The art of streaking has influenced everything from cave drawings and Renaissance paintings to football games and the occasional wedding reception. Every prominent figure in Polk County since its founding has been a member of a secret society of streakers known as the Order of the Illuminudie. This elite club extends membership to only the upper echelon of Polk County – judges, lawyers, doctors, leaders of industry, politicians, law enforcement officials – movers and shakers (in more ways than one). Legend has it that the Illuminudie draw their power by ceremoniously full mooning during a full moon. Butt… what about the rest of us? What of us blue-collar, working-class streakers? We are but humble folk who simply want to run around in the buff. In response to this unclad cabal of cheeky power players, a recent transplant to Winter Haven, Andrew Weinerman started a movement of his own – The Winter Haven Nudist Collective. The Collective, open to the public, is a group of enthusiastic exhibitionists who get together for organized streaks. “I was looking for a sense of community. Through online forums, I realized there was this huge hobbyist cross-section of nudists who also happened to be runners in the area – my two passions,” said Weinerman. “People who aren’t in positions of power should have access to streaking-related activities within their communities. We’re equal opportunity streakers.” So, members of the Winter Haven Nudist Collective are bucking the system, and they’re doing it – buck naked. The WHNC is partnering with organizers of the Slow Roll and Ski Show, a bicycling event in which folks meet up and cruise through town to the Saturday ski show at Lake Silver by the Cypress Gardens Water Ski Team. After watching the show, the slow-rollers make their way to Grove Roots for a beer. The new event will be called the Slow Streak and Stunt Show. The Winter Haven Nudist Collective is stripping the concept down to its skivvies. Starting in the fall, runners participating in the Slow Streak and Stunt Show congregate under cover of darkness and jog at an uncomfortably slow pace for a quarter-mile through town. The organizers opted for a shorter race than the typical 3K or 5K for both legal and chafing reasons. Let your bits and bobs bounce in the breeze all the way to Lake Silver for a nude water stunt show. If you spot the police – pick up your pace. And if caught, you never read this. “Don’t knock it until you try it. You may think we’re nuts, but I promise it will be a ball,” said Weinerman. They haven’t yet fleshed out the details, but there are quite a few themed events in the works. Look out for Barks and Buttcheeks this summer, where revealing runners can bring their dogs too. The Winnie the Pooh Race will see runners in a t-shirt and no bottoms making their way to the finish line, where there will be a rib-eating contest. Final race dates will be announced later this month. The must-attend naked holiday event will be the Jingle Jangle Dangle Jog 1/4-K. Participants will go on a bare sightseeing jog of all the best holiday lights and displays around town. Jingle Joggers who finish the race be awarded traditional finishing medals. “We hope you’ll be there with bells on,” said Weinerman. Winter Haven Nudist Collective events, including the Slow Streak and Stunt Show and Jingle Jangle Dangle Jog, are, for the most part, no-holes-barred, with few barriers to entry. To become a member of the Collective, you must be 45 years or older. All body-types welcome, shoes required, sweatbands optional, no-clothing-zero-tolerance policy. “There’s this guy who shows up to all our runs, fully dressed. We’re like, ‘Hey man, that’s a little weird…’ It’s like, who does that? That’s creepy, show some respect for the craft,” said the group’s founder. “I want these events to bring back the good old-fashioned fun of streaking for all,” he said. Asked where he hopes to be in five years, Weinerman smiled, “Still jingling and jangling and dangling.” To sign up for a Winter Haven Nudist Collective event, email april_foolz@havenmagazines.com .

Winter Haven Water Tower Gets a New Look Relations between Winter Haven and Auburndale have sprung a leak over a new design on the downtown Magnolia Watertower. The tower was covered last month while undergoing phase I of a project that will include “major maintenance including a fresh coat of paint,” according to a February 11, 2021 press release by The City of Winter Haven. In this first phase of the ongoing beautification project, the tower will be painted with a base shade called “warm sun.” For roughly two weeks during the renovations, elements around the tower, including the walking trail, were covered and closed to the public. A protective sheet was hung around the water tower so its surface could be sandblasted and painted. “This type of maintenance not only improves the appearance of the tower but also prevents corrosion and protects the life of the tower,” according to the city. The press release went on to say, “While there has been much dialogue about a special logo or graphic on the tower, it is still in the discussion stage. This initial neutral paint shade will serve as the first phase of the process. Once the partners involved reach an agreement, the base paint on the tower will prepare it for the second phase of additional painting.” Partners reached an agreement on March 15 when The City of Auburndale stepped forward with funding for the final design. “Creative rights went to the highest bidder. Auburndale just wanted it the worst, I guess,” said one confused Winter Haven city official. The Magnolia Watertower, located in downtown Winter Haven, will sport The City of Auburndale logo, a map to the city, the puzzling sentiment ‘Welcome to Auburndale,’ a mural of Auburdale’s official city animal, the screaming hairy armadillo, and a series of ‘Auburndale Fun Facts.’ We were able to obtain a preliminary list of ‘fun facts,’ which includes: “The world’s longest continuous bingo game took place in Auburndale from 1997-1998.” “The ‘I’m not sure what to do with my hands’ scene in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby was filmed at The Auburndale Speedway aka The ‘Dale.” “Auburndale has more supermodels and macaroni per capita than any other city in Polk County.” “Tom Hanks bought a vacation home in Auburndale so he and Rita can have Peebles Bar-B-Q whenever they want.” “We have a dog park.” “The city’s full name is Auburn-Dale Earnhardt Jr.” Only one of these statements can be confirmed true at the time of publication. “We’re looking to capture tourists from the area and show them what we have to offer,” said Auburndale’s Chief Tourism Advisor, Alexa Chambers. “We’ve gotten some pushback from Winter Haven, but to those detractors, I say, ‘Water you going to do about it?’” Local grassroots movements, ‘The Alliance of Bryan’s Who Think The Water Tower Should Be Painted Like a Stormtrooper Helmet’ and ‘Citizens for Less Church Bells’ are pooling their resources to fight Auburndale’s busy non-Winter-Haven design and other ‘community ails.’ The latter group aims to compromise with an area church that chimes every hour on the hour. The group would like to see a less frequent bell schedule or temporary relinquishment of the church iPod to another person or party… literally any other person or party. Designers city-wide are in an uproar about the conversation surrounding not only the ‘fun facts’ that have yet to be proven true, but more importantly, the font selection. “We want it to be super fun. We want folks driving by or walking downtown to say, ‘Wow, now that’s a water tower,’” said Chambers. The current fonts in contention are Curlz, Comic Sans, Zapfino, Papyrus, Brush Script, Helvetica, Impact, and Courier New. “We have so much copy to include, we may end up using them all. I think such an avant-garde choice would make sense coming from the trendsetting metropolis that is Auburndale.” “I feel attacked. They have to be doing this on purpose,” said one hot-headed bespeckled magazine graphic designer. Supermodels and Comic Sans aside, phase II for the Magnolia Watertower will begin next month and is expected to finish up by mid-July. An official ribbon-cutting for the mural is slated for early fall. The ribbon-cutting will be held along the walkway below the tower. It promises to be a family-friendly event where folks can pick up informational pamphlets about the great city of Auburndale, enjoy a screaming hairy armadillo petting zoo, and all-you-can-eat macaroni. According to the Auburndale Tourism Office, Tom Hanks will be in attendance. To register in advance for the macaroni-eating contest at the Magnolia Tower ribbon cutting on April 32, email april_foolz@havenmagazines.com .

State Finals Come to Polk County If you’re a lover of all things rodeo, it’s time to dust off your chaps! The Hamster Rodeo State Finals is making its way to a roughly 5-square-foot patch of the Bartow Horse Arena at the Polk County Agri Civic Center. Be prepared for all the gruff and a lot more fluff at this must-attend event. The hamster rodeo is an endeavor by the Hadley Association for Hamsters in America (HAHA), a project spanning the last two decades. The sport of traditional rodeo may be all about cowboys, horses, and cattle, but hamsters are the wild west stars of this rodeo, roping and riding guinea pigs. HAHA Founder and CEO Buck Hadley explained the sport’s origins. “You might not know it, but there is a rodent hierarchy, of which hamsters are damn near the top,” he said. “It wasn’t hard to teach them to rope and ride. All it took was Waylon Jennings, PBR, and a little time. Hamsters are the natural cowboys of Rodentia.” These small but stout rodeo stars stand between six and eight inches tall and don blue jeans, boots, spurs, chaps, and cowboy hats. Miniature saddles and cinches adorn the riding guinea pigs, but the real show is bareback gronc riding. Taking the place of bucking horses (bronc or bronco) are rambunctious guinea pigs, aka groncs or groncos. Other notable events are guinea pup wrestling, saddle gronc riding, tie-down roping, team roping, barrel racing, and hamster wheel racing. “You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a hamster, one tiny hand wrapped around the riggin’, the other hand in the air trying to stay on a bucking guinea pig for eight seconds,” said Hadley. “Their itty bitty hands are perfect for gripping a shoelace size rope. And when they get bucked off, all you see is a flash of fluff and high pitched eeeeeeeeeeeeeee sound. It’s great.” No hamsters are harmed during the rodeo; they always land on their tiny booted feet, according to Hadley. Staying true to rodeo culture, there will be hamster rodeo clowns as comic relief to the crowd and keep the tiny cowboys safe when thrown off a raging guinea pig. The Hamster Rodeo State Finals is sponsored by Skoal Smokeless Tobacco, “The chew of choice for chubby-cheeked cowboys everywhere,” and Wrangler as part of a campaign for their line of hamster jeans, Hanglers with the tagline “Hanglers – keeping your hamster double cheeked up since 1904.” For $10 admission, attendees will enjoy buckin’ and bulldoggin’ from the top names currently in hamster rodeo, including Wild Hamster Bill Hickock and even 2020 All-Around Hamster Rodeo Champion from Milford, Utah, Stetson Bite. For an additional $20, you can get VIP access and high-five a hamster. The event is strictly BYOH (Bring Your Own Hamster) as no hamsters will be for sale at the event. “Our small cowboys aren’t for sale. They’re their own men – a proud people. They love America, their mommas, apple pie, and rodeo. You can’t put a price on that,” said Hadley. With an average life span of 2-3 years, top names in this kind of rodeo tend to rotate quickly. To pay homage to the rough and tumble hamsters of history, a pop-up Hamster ProRodeo Hall of Fame will be on site. Learn the history of the hamster rodeo and its legends, including Chubby Fannie Oakley, Texas Pete, Billy the Hamster, John ‘Wiggles’ Wayne, and Cheeks. The Hamster Rodeo State Finals prize pool includes a lifetime supply of Skoal cherry chewing tobacco, a bag of baked timothy biscuits, a rhinestoned hamster wheel, and the coveted Hamster Rodeo State Finals trophy belt buckle. To enter your hamster into the state finals, send a photo, bio, and hamster rodeo credentials to april_foolz@havenmagazines.com .

On February 22, the Winter Haven City Commission voted unanimously to pass ordinance 0-21-06. The ordinance allowed chickens as an accessory use in all non-agricultural zoning districts within city limits, whereas they were previously only allowed in Agricultural (AG) zoning districts. The ordinance also provided “specific standards related to chicken quantities, permitted locations on the property, and coops.” What started as a simple run-of-the-mill reporting on a city commission meeting has become a dangerous game of corruption, bribes, and fried chicken. The findings of this investigative report may ruffle a few feathers, but at Haven, we believe in speaking truth to power. “The chickens are already here, and they’re problematic,” said City Manager Mike Himm. “The code compliance team is trying to be responsive to do the best that they can to be able to try to keep the issue at bay and at the same time allow folks to have chickens on their property.” The ordinance, first heard on February 8, proposed one chicken per every 500 square feet of parcel lot area with a maximum of 15 chickens per lot. Some commissioners felt the maximum number of chickens per lot was too many, resulting in a spicy discussion and a change in the rules to one chicken per 1,000 square feet with a maximum of 5 chickens and no roosters. Regulations developed for the ordinance also focused on the coop, which must be present on the property. Coops cannot be more than 125 square feet by 6 feet in height. This specific detail is in response to the numerous ‘chicken mansions’ popping up around town. A popular trend amongst millennials, these luxury coops are two, sometimes three stories. “If no one else will say it, I will. Chickens do not need marble countertops or wine cellars,” said commissioner JP Poultry who joined the meeting remotely. Commissioner Brian Yolks raised questions about compliance. He asked how many violations of the order someone would have to make before having their chicken privileges revoked. Additionally, what would happen to the offending chickens? Issues with dogs and cats are called into animal control, an extension of the sheriff’s office through the county. Mayor Brad Drumstick asked, “If someone has a problem dog or problem cat or problem chicken and we cite them, and we continually have a problem with them. Can you ultimately go in there and take the dog or cat or chicken? Or do you just keep giving them financial burdens until they get rid of their own chickens?” As I sat in the back of the room scribbling notes from the meeting, questions about chickens flooded my mind too. What if I want to walk my chicken on a leash? What if the chicken pecks someone in the shin while we’re out? What if my chicken lays an egg on the roof of my house and it rolls off and splatters on someone’s head as they walk down the sidewalk and they’re wearing their favorite shirt and some egg residue slides down their head onto the shirt and I say, ‘I’ll buy you a new shirt,’ and they say, ‘You can’t buy me a new shirt because they don’t make this shirt anymore plus this shirt has sentimental value because my aunt bought it for me at a Joe’s Crab Shack when I was 12 right before she died in a tragic crab leg accident,’? … I made a note to sit and have a good think over these issues later. The meeting continued. As to whether they were equipped to enforce the code provision effectively, someone pointed out that “There was some anecdotal information about this at our workshop meeting last Wednesday. Chief Bird said when he first came on board, he went on the 7th street chicken patrol, and they tried to get roosters in the trees and had a very difficult time getting them out.” ‘Hmmm, 7th Street Chicken Patrol… roosters in trees… Chief Bird… sounds serious,’ I thought. “My problem is if you have a small lot and you can put ten chickens in the backyard… It seems to me it’s too many. I don’t have a problem with a chicken or two in the backyard,” said the mayor. Mayor Drumstick sympathized with what the code department is up against, calling it a ‘conundrum’ … a chicken conundrum. But he also brought up the issue of care. If someone isn’t properly caring for their chickens and cleaning the coop regularly, would it cause an odor? “If all of us had 15 chickens, it would be a nightmare in my neighborhood,” he said. To the issue of a ‘fowl’ odor, Code Supervisor Tanya Air-Fryer said, “In the last 11 years, we’ve only had 81 complaints about fowl. Out of all of those complaints, the majority of the complaints were either that they were at large or that they had roosters. We’ve only had one complaint about odor.” Later in the meeting, Mayor Pro Tem Nathaniel Songbird added his thoughts on the odor issue. Songbird said, “We used to raise chickens. I don’t know if the technology of the coop has vastly improved since we raised chickens because there was an odor. … But we had 30 chickens.” I made the note on my legal pad and underlined it. ‘Songbird – former chicken hoarder?’ Details and statements swirled in my mind. This commission meeting was becoming very interesting. Something stunk – and it wasn’t the chickens. Back to the issue of what to do with rooster rule-breakers or folks with too many chickens per lot. Commissioner Tracy McNugget suggested that the Winter Haven City Police Department (as they were already familiar with the poultry problem via the 7th Street Chicken Patrol and Chief Bird’s sordid history with roosters in trees and suspicious last name) start a new department to maintain law and order – SCU. SCU or the Special Chickens Unit, said McNugget, would be tasked with ‘chicken raids’ to detain contraband chickens. She already had a few people in mind to head up SCU, veteran no-nonsense New York detectives Olivia ‘Barnevelder’ Benson and Elliot ‘Silkie’ Stabler. The commissioner went on to say, “In the criminal justice system, the chickens are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: The police, who investigate crime, and the chicken attorneys, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.” The commission agreed with the idea, calling it “The best and most logical course of action.” The timing and thoroughness of those suggestions were fishy to me. I was going to have to do a little more digging into these avian affairs. Another issue raised was how will we know whose chicken is whose? Is that nuisance chicken mine or my neighbors? How will SCU know? Registration? Tag? Lower back tattoo? That item did not end up in the final ordinance. After all sides were heard, and no one from the public stepped forward to comment, the ordinance was passed unanimously on February 22. Hold onto your hens because this is where the story takes a turn. I had a hunch, see? And I was going to follow it. Roll the tape! But since there is no tape, I’ll explain to you what I saw in narrative detail. The commission heard several more items on their agenda and wrapped up the meeting late into the evening. I followed the mayor and his commissioner cronies out to the parking lot. I stayed far enough behind and peeked around a corner as not to be detected. One way or the other, I was going to get the s-coop. The group looked around wearily as if to be sure they weren’t being watched as they made their way to a shadowy corner of the lot, a dim area devoid of streetlamps. A suave-looking businessman in a red polo handed the mayor something discreetly – a white paper bag. The bag was suspiciously greasy as if its contents were perhaps fried and delicious. As the man in the red shirt turned to get into his awaiting town car – that’s when I saw it. The logo on his shirt… it was familiar. It was… Chick-fil-A. Red polo shirt guy turned to the mayor and said, “Thanks for agreeing to meet. I enjoyed our call yesterday. Nice doing business with you.” Wait? But today was Monday. That meant… the mayor and Mr. Chicken Sandwich had a business call the day before. On… a Sunday? Either this guy was working out of bounds, or Chick-fil-A is open on Sunday, and they aren’t telling us – maybe because that’s when the real dirty work gets done. I became disoriented as theories and conclusions raced around my mind and collided. What had I just witnessed? Even more troubling, who had just witnessed me? I stood stock still as every one of the commissioners turned and looked in my direction. I had been discovered. I locked eyes with the group’s alpha, Mayor Drumstick. I flicked my Virginia Slim, pulled my fedora further over my eyes, and buttoned my trench coat. It was time to scram (insert scrambled egg joke here). When I got home, I replayed the night’s events. I thought back to the February 8 meeting. When no one from the public stepped forward to speak, Mayor Drumstick ‘joked,’ “So Colonel Sanders is not watching.” But… was it a joke? Or was it to throw me off the trail? To be sure that the commission’s corporate daddy, Chick-fil-A, wouldn’t be implicated? I stepped up to my corkboard and started connecting photos with red string. The Winter Haven City Commission concocted an ordinance ‘addressing’ the ‘chicken conundrum.’ The goal was not to allow chickens as an accessory use in all nonagricultural zoning districts within city limits. It was really to create an excess of illegal chickens by setting a limit on the number one can own within city limits in non-AG zoning districts, knowing most people had more than what the ordinance permitted. They would then use the SCU to ‘detain’ any nuisance chickens or those at large. Unfortunately for the fowl, detainment meant ending up on the wrong end of a chicken sandwich. The commissioners accepted payment in the form of chicken sandwiches for passing the ordinance. I would also like to point out that we have a suspicious number of city officials with the word ‘Bird’ in their name. A coincidence? Perhaps… We know for sure now that commissioners are in the pocket of Big Chicken Sandwich (also known in the industry as Big Farm-a). And we know that Big Chicken Sandwich is in their bellies. The commission’s involvement raises the question as to what other special interests they could be working with. Big Taco? Big Mac? Big Lebowski? With chicken on the brain and a fire in my belly, I fell asleep with plans to write the exposé of my life the next day. But on Tuesday morning, around 8:35 am, I walked out to my car. The thinly veiled and lightly breaded threat read, ‘Keep your nose out of our business lady. Or you’re gonna get pecked!’ in honey mustard. I know it was honey mustard because I tasted it. Strange… the perfect condiment to put on a spicy chicken sandwich. If someone was sending a message, I tasted it loud and clear. Anyway, now my life is in danger. And I can’t go to Chick-fil-A anymore… or city commission meetings. If you have questions or comments regarding the “totally not a bribe” chicken ordinance, email april_foolz@havenmagazines.com .

It appears a hush-hush python problem is reaching a fever pitch around the outskirts of Polk County and rapidly slithering inward. The snake problem could reach critical mass within months, says resident python hunter and former A/C repairman Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts (no relation to the WWE wrestler). Reports of nonnative giant snakes plaguing the Everglades stem back to the 1970s – a time of bell bottoms and Burmese pythons. Over the past four decades, the population of pythons in the Everglades has exploded. These constrictors are popular in the exotic pet circuit for their gargantuan size, unique coloration, and strangling power. Though not venomous, rows of razorsharp teeth angled backward toward their throat make bites more painful and easier swallowing (for the snake). Adult Burmese pythons can reach more than 75 feet in length and weigh up to 2000 pounds. Lone python wrangler Jake Roberts has a manner at the intersection of stoic and sexy. The black duster caressing his dad-bod and well-maintained mullet gently flapped in the breeze coming off the lake as we discussed the snake problem and what Roberts is doing to combat it. His uniform? A gruff, nononsense kind of guy, Roberts keeps one cigarette in his mouth and another lit and ready to go between his fingers because “You never know which puff will be your last when dealing with pythons.” He also wears an eyepatch over his left eye. He considers the patch a cover for his ‘spare eyeball’ in case “the ‘thons get ahold of my other one.” On his snakeskin belt made from the hide of his first kill are a row of gator teeth, a .38 Chief’s Special, katana sword, and beer holster (a koozie sewn into the belt). He keeps the straps on his camo Crocs pulled down, at the ready. Roberts started as a part-time a/c repairman 23 years ago. He built up a clientele and eventually started his own company, Ice Ice Baby A/C Repair in 2005, servicing towns that skirt the Everglades. “It was routine to find a gator sunning himself near a condenser or a python hiding out in a vent,” he said. But when he and his wife Anna Konda-Roberts moved to Winter Haven four years ago, he expected to see his share of gators and snakes – though not pythons of man-eating proportions. “The first snake I came across in a duct here was a juvenile – not very big at all. He was old enough to have just been released when someone decided their pet had gotten too big. I removed him and moved on.” Two days after that, Roberts encountered something more alarming in the ductwork of a house near Lake Howard – recently hatched python eggs. As the scope of Polk County’s python predicament grew with each a/c job, Roberts felt obligated to do his part. “I’ve seen somewhere in the neighborhood of 3000 pythons in Winter Haven alone over the last six months or so – way more across the county. Someone has to take care of these sneaky little snakes.” So, Roberts added an unusual service to his a/c repair business website – snake wrangling. For just $169, Roberts will wrangle and capture any pesky pythons – big or small. All of Roberts’ captured snakes are taken to the Fort Meade snake pit off East Broadway. Detractors have questioned the effectiveness of merely moving the invasive snakes from one part of the county to another. Roberts has partnered with a self-described snake charmer to minimize the risk of harming the animals or himself during a capture. His sidekick snake charmer and SoundCloud musician, DJ Hypno-Thighs, does what he can to lull the serpents into submission. His snake charming track record is...if-y. “I’ve been bit directly in the face once or twice, or every time I’ve gone out with Jake, but there’s a real connection between these snakes and me – I can feel it.” Wrangling isn’t the only part of Roberts serpentine services. He prides himself on the research he does to keep the problem from reaching Everglades levels. He seeks answers to questions like why they flock to some urban and suburban areas more than others and what factors increase the risk of a residential python invasion? A glaring correlation, Roberts says, in the number of chickens, specifically illegal chickens one owns. As you may have read in another feature this month entitled “Chicken Noir,” The Winter Haven City Commission recently passed an ordinance limiting the number of chickens per household to five and absolutely no roosters in non-agricultural zoning districts. This chicken mandate so close to the revelation of the kept-under-wraps snake situation is raising a few eyebrows. Does the commission know more about the snake/ chicken connection than they’re letting on? Are the commissioners training pythons to prefer chickens in numbers in excess of five to rid the city of its chicken crisis? Are the commissioners actually pythons dressed as people? That’s a political intrigue piece for another day. “The more illegal chickens you have, the higher chance of a python invasion,” said Roberts. “They’re clucking timebombs.” Suppose you have more than five chickens or a rooster. In that case, the odds that there is a python somewhere in your house right now, probably the toilet, waiting to strike when you’re most vulnerable, increases 25 percent with each illegal chicken. Roberts shared a few safety tips to give our readers. If you see any portion of a snake, head, or tail around your house or in a public area, the python wrangler urges you to stay clear and call his sneaky snake hotline, as this can be deceptive of the snake’s actual size. What looks like a small snake by the tail can be a fully grown adult or ‘big mamma,’ as he calls them. Reminiscent of the rhyme to help tell venomous coral snakes from the harmless king snake, “Red touching yellow will kill a fellow. Red touching black is a friend of Jack,” Roberts has a more succinct phrase to keep you safe around pythons. “Always remember, ‘they’re growers, not show-ers,’” he said. In addition to the ecological implications of an invasive species settling into the county, it appears there may be economic impacts as well. Investors see the python ‘problem’ as more of a python ‘opportunity.’ An unknown entity has already claimed intellectual property rights to the terms/ ideas: Chain of Lakes Python Emporium, Spicy Snake Nuggs, Burmese katana sheath, Python Belt with Beer Holster, and Girthy Gus the One-Eyed Python. Stay safe, friends! We’ll do our best to keep you apprised of the snake goings-on and whether our city officials are, in fact, sentient Burmese pythons in human suits bent on world domination, one chicken at a time. To inquire about Roberts’ python-related services, email, april_ foolz@havenmagazines.com .